That your sick of being lonely every minute of the day, and it's time to make some changes not only in your life, but more importantly, in yourself. You have to train yourself to be introverted, and respect that time alone.
it's just still hard sometimes.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
new years resolutions, subtle clues and the point of life itself, in just a few paragraphs.
"So this is the new year, I don't feel any different. The clanking of crystal, explosions off in the distance" -DCFC
The new year has characteristically been viewed as a moment of self reflection, and a time in which we make plans to better ourselves in the coming 365 days. Weight loss, healthy lifestyles, jogging, to treat the family better, to treat ourselves better? What do they all come to? self gain. But that's another topic. For now, i just care to share my mind for the last few months.
' A lot of changes are going to be happening in your body'
We laugh, but puberty is the point in which you not only wake up as a man, but you tend to become a bit more interested other things... In the minds of most parents, it's the beginning of the end. the time in which they must let go of the childhood days where life was all about staying up an extra hour to watch the big-kid shows, and the sun going down was no longer the all-important reverse alarm clock, signaling it was time to end the day. Those are the last days of incense, soon enough, we will be encountering Sex, drugs, (rock and roll), the way of the world, the social status, the Caste system that has come from our former democracy. Those are the days we start to think freely.
Many people consider 18 to be the next real stepping stone. a newer standard for timing manhood, and the time in which we begin to gain real responsibilities in the world. for the privileged, this may just be the addition of a job, and possibly a car into their daily life, for some, it means taking on a world alone, and the true separation from there childhood homes. These are the days we begin to question everything.
Then, an age i can't fully understand yet, but understand the social concept of, 21. At this point, you ARE an adult, you have every opportunity, and the chance to do whatever it is your bound and determined to do. And you can legally drink while you do it.
I myself are at one of those 'in between years' that doesn't really work onto the scale as much. I've been provided many oppertunities to be put into the shoes of someone much older, from significant responsibilites, to a much more matured peer group. I live on my own, in a place where the nearest family is my own, 2 1/2 hours away. Quite the task for an 18 year old (turned 19 soon after moving in).
Now, in the time it's been since i got here, roughly 4 1/2 months, i've had a considerable amount of time to myself. I came here not really knowing a soul, and have not exactly taken it upon myself to broaden my friends from the level i'm at now.
In short, i've been bored and had time to think. A lot.
I've been thinking about everything also, from why i love watching movies, to why i decided to get into photography, to my future plans for life, to my next meal. usually the last one is a regular topic on my mind. But, More then you'd think, the others weigh in above it. sometimes a meal is just a pop tart cause i can't focus enough to make something that can legitamatly be called a meal.
On top of this overwhelming amount of free thought, i took a 3 week lapse in judgement and stopped thinking all together for the whole of Christmas break. Some people take the occasional day off for a recovery day, i wait a year and cash it all in at once. Anyway, i just kind of cast inhibition into the wind, and did whatever came to mind at whatever potentinal moment.
In short, i was bored. communally.
But, it also gave me a welcome respite to let my thoughts coagulate.
and i came to a few solid conclusions. things that, if formated correctly, could be viewed as new years resolutions, and one step closer to that all important 21st birthday in which i am free on this earth to do whatever i damn well please. the few i care to share are listed ( the resolutions, not the 'things i damn well please' to do)
1. I wish to graduate from art college, and join the peace corps. by doing this, i'll not only help to build myself up as a person ( some people call it getting character, but usually it's not associated with a bad thing or a mundane task. lets stick with building up myself), but i'll help to make contacts for my future job options, such as press photographer, conflict photographer, war photographer, or heck, extremely socially consince fine art photographer.
2. I need to think more about religion, and what i want to align myself with. i simply need to spend a large amount of time praying/meditating and doing whatever else is nessacary to find out what i belive in, in terms of the greater cosmos.
3. Open myself up, and wait. Learn to wait for whats coming. the only problem is, when it comes to a larger scale, i'm quite impatient. i'm ready for life, i'm ready for love, i'm ready to start working on happiness. So, i guess
4. i need to learn to be patient.
5. About a month ago, i personally credit myself and afew very good songs to finding the entire point to life, religion and music itself.
Love. Yes, it's cheesy, yes, it's been said. but i have spent so many countless hours trying to figure out why i'm here. like a little kid saying 'why' every three seconds.
why do i wake up every morning.
-i enjoy showers, and i have to attend my classes.
why.
-i'll fail them if i don't, and i want to graduate.
why
-cause it's my gateway into the feild i want to spend the rest of my life persueing
why
-because i think that most of the people in this world are blind, deaf and dumb. they need to be woken up, and someone needs to be able to address the people that have the money, so that maybe, i might be able to make the world a little better.
why
-why do i want to make the world better? because everyone deserves the oppertunity to be happy. (note the choice of word. OPPERTUNITY. NOT RIGHT. NOT RIGHT TO PERSUE. NOT JUST 'TO BE HAPPY'.)
why
-cause i hope i'm a good enough person to be happy when everyone else is
why
-because i'm not sure what'll make me happy.
why
-because the one thing that made me happy was silly and fleeting
why
-because it wasn't lasting
why
-probably cause of me
why
-cause she didn't love me back
why
-who knows.
why
-wait. that doesn't make any sense. but i did just figure something out writing that. love? crazy!
something that made me happy at one point was a blind, senselessly happy emotion. i just felt it at a horribally badly timed point in my life.
i think the point of living, the reason we get jobs, the reason we buy houses, the reason we go to college, the reason to keep getting up every morning and not just keep sleeping till we sleep 'the big sleep' is to feel true and utter joy, otherwise known as love.
i think secretly that everyone on the planet, atheiests, belivers, pentacostals, we're all fueled by love for ourselves and love for another.
so, thats the point. i wake up every morning hoping to love and be loved not only by another person, but by the whole freaking world. no matter how corrupt, no matter how self-centered it may be, i want nothing more. not power, not wealth, nothing is more important then
Lima
Oscar
Victor
Echo.
it's about love people ;)
( why is it that this is such a happy blog? maybe because i finally feel like theirs a reason to keep doing this life stuff. my reason for so long was just routine. i woke up every day, i took my next breath every moment, simply because 'thats what you do.' i honestly feel like i'm going to start looking at things differently. tell me i'm setting myself up for a letdown. a failure, i don't care. i've got 50 years to find the right person, and i'm going to be patient, and just let life happen.)
Ps, sorry for the rant. it's 4am, and i may not be as lucid on paper as i am in my head.
-KDM
The new year has characteristically been viewed as a moment of self reflection, and a time in which we make plans to better ourselves in the coming 365 days. Weight loss, healthy lifestyles, jogging, to treat the family better, to treat ourselves better? What do they all come to? self gain. But that's another topic. For now, i just care to share my mind for the last few months.
' A lot of changes are going to be happening in your body'
We laugh, but puberty is the point in which you not only wake up as a man, but you tend to become a bit more interested other things... In the minds of most parents, it's the beginning of the end. the time in which they must let go of the childhood days where life was all about staying up an extra hour to watch the big-kid shows, and the sun going down was no longer the all-important reverse alarm clock, signaling it was time to end the day. Those are the last days of incense, soon enough, we will be encountering Sex, drugs, (rock and roll), the way of the world, the social status, the Caste system that has come from our former democracy. Those are the days we start to think freely.
Many people consider 18 to be the next real stepping stone. a newer standard for timing manhood, and the time in which we begin to gain real responsibilities in the world. for the privileged, this may just be the addition of a job, and possibly a car into their daily life, for some, it means taking on a world alone, and the true separation from there childhood homes. These are the days we begin to question everything.
Then, an age i can't fully understand yet, but understand the social concept of, 21. At this point, you ARE an adult, you have every opportunity, and the chance to do whatever it is your bound and determined to do. And you can legally drink while you do it.
I myself are at one of those 'in between years' that doesn't really work onto the scale as much. I've been provided many oppertunities to be put into the shoes of someone much older, from significant responsibilites, to a much more matured peer group. I live on my own, in a place where the nearest family is my own, 2 1/2 hours away. Quite the task for an 18 year old (turned 19 soon after moving in).
Now, in the time it's been since i got here, roughly 4 1/2 months, i've had a considerable amount of time to myself. I came here not really knowing a soul, and have not exactly taken it upon myself to broaden my friends from the level i'm at now.
In short, i've been bored and had time to think. A lot.
I've been thinking about everything also, from why i love watching movies, to why i decided to get into photography, to my future plans for life, to my next meal. usually the last one is a regular topic on my mind. But, More then you'd think, the others weigh in above it. sometimes a meal is just a pop tart cause i can't focus enough to make something that can legitamatly be called a meal.
On top of this overwhelming amount of free thought, i took a 3 week lapse in judgement and stopped thinking all together for the whole of Christmas break. Some people take the occasional day off for a recovery day, i wait a year and cash it all in at once. Anyway, i just kind of cast inhibition into the wind, and did whatever came to mind at whatever potentinal moment.
In short, i was bored. communally.
But, it also gave me a welcome respite to let my thoughts coagulate.
and i came to a few solid conclusions. things that, if formated correctly, could be viewed as new years resolutions, and one step closer to that all important 21st birthday in which i am free on this earth to do whatever i damn well please. the few i care to share are listed ( the resolutions, not the 'things i damn well please' to do)
1. I wish to graduate from art college, and join the peace corps. by doing this, i'll not only help to build myself up as a person ( some people call it getting character, but usually it's not associated with a bad thing or a mundane task. lets stick with building up myself), but i'll help to make contacts for my future job options, such as press photographer, conflict photographer, war photographer, or heck, extremely socially consince fine art photographer.
2. I need to think more about religion, and what i want to align myself with. i simply need to spend a large amount of time praying/meditating and doing whatever else is nessacary to find out what i belive in, in terms of the greater cosmos.
3. Open myself up, and wait. Learn to wait for whats coming. the only problem is, when it comes to a larger scale, i'm quite impatient. i'm ready for life, i'm ready for love, i'm ready to start working on happiness. So, i guess
4. i need to learn to be patient.
5. About a month ago, i personally credit myself and afew very good songs to finding the entire point to life, religion and music itself.
Love. Yes, it's cheesy, yes, it's been said. but i have spent so many countless hours trying to figure out why i'm here. like a little kid saying 'why' every three seconds.
why do i wake up every morning.
-i enjoy showers, and i have to attend my classes.
why.
-i'll fail them if i don't, and i want to graduate.
why
-cause it's my gateway into the feild i want to spend the rest of my life persueing
why
-because i think that most of the people in this world are blind, deaf and dumb. they need to be woken up, and someone needs to be able to address the people that have the money, so that maybe, i might be able to make the world a little better.
why
-why do i want to make the world better? because everyone deserves the oppertunity to be happy. (note the choice of word. OPPERTUNITY. NOT RIGHT. NOT RIGHT TO PERSUE. NOT JUST 'TO BE HAPPY'.)
why
-cause i hope i'm a good enough person to be happy when everyone else is
why
-because i'm not sure what'll make me happy.
why
-because the one thing that made me happy was silly and fleeting
why
-because it wasn't lasting
why
-probably cause of me
why
-cause she didn't love me back
why
-who knows.
why
-wait. that doesn't make any sense. but i did just figure something out writing that. love? crazy!
something that made me happy at one point was a blind, senselessly happy emotion. i just felt it at a horribally badly timed point in my life.
i think the point of living, the reason we get jobs, the reason we buy houses, the reason we go to college, the reason to keep getting up every morning and not just keep sleeping till we sleep 'the big sleep' is to feel true and utter joy, otherwise known as love.
i think secretly that everyone on the planet, atheiests, belivers, pentacostals, we're all fueled by love for ourselves and love for another.
so, thats the point. i wake up every morning hoping to love and be loved not only by another person, but by the whole freaking world. no matter how corrupt, no matter how self-centered it may be, i want nothing more. not power, not wealth, nothing is more important then
Lima
Oscar
Victor
Echo.
it's about love people ;)
( why is it that this is such a happy blog? maybe because i finally feel like theirs a reason to keep doing this life stuff. my reason for so long was just routine. i woke up every day, i took my next breath every moment, simply because 'thats what you do.' i honestly feel like i'm going to start looking at things differently. tell me i'm setting myself up for a letdown. a failure, i don't care. i've got 50 years to find the right person, and i'm going to be patient, and just let life happen.)
Ps, sorry for the rant. it's 4am, and i may not be as lucid on paper as i am in my head.
-KDM
Monday, November 24, 2008
Wrote this back in high school, it was the last thing i wrote before i switch from poems to rants.
Flowing with the rhyme,
Of the beating drum.
Keeping in time,
With the drifting hum.
The sound is depressing,
It was his own.
The music was repressing,
The sound of a ringing phone.
He wouldn't stop playing,
When the message started.
No attention to what the man was saying,
"she was doomed when she departed"
he kept making his noise,
straight through the night.
Memories in his head,
"It was just the wrong flight"
when the music ended,
alone he fended.
Lost without a wife,
A crash had taken her life.
As the rain outside
Began to pour,
The man went up,
To the fourteenth floor
The music began to play
As he started to fall,
She was the world
He'd lost it all
Their together now,
For all time.
For a love of their own,
Is why a musicians rhyme.
Of the beating drum.
Keeping in time,
With the drifting hum.
The sound is depressing,
It was his own.
The music was repressing,
The sound of a ringing phone.
He wouldn't stop playing,
When the message started.
No attention to what the man was saying,
"she was doomed when she departed"
he kept making his noise,
straight through the night.
Memories in his head,
"It was just the wrong flight"
when the music ended,
alone he fended.
Lost without a wife,
A crash had taken her life.
As the rain outside
Began to pour,
The man went up,
To the fourteenth floor
The music began to play
As he started to fall,
She was the world
He'd lost it all
Their together now,
For all time.
For a love of their own,
Is why a musicians rhyme.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
self discovery starts with several years of suburbanism.
"I feel like I've been in a coma for the past twenty years. And I'm just now waking up."
-American Beauty
How can you find yourself without first losing touch with who you really are? Is this just another goal with the pathway of life? Birth, school, more school, crappy job, school, career, depresssion, self discovery? quite an ironic path, in a way, to truely begin to live, you must brush a form of breathing death.
-American Beauty
How can you find yourself without first losing touch with who you really are? Is this just another goal with the pathway of life? Birth, school, more school, crappy job, school, career, depresssion, self discovery? quite an ironic path, in a way, to truely begin to live, you must brush a form of breathing death.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Introverted views on solitude, maturity, and day planners.
"In muddy grass we stand side by side
With our knuckles interlocked
Black dresses flood the cemetery
In this cliche tragedy
Just do as you're instructed and....
Take this razor and cut your palms
I'll do the same until a river of crimson begins to flow
Now drip your ruby red over the casket
A funeral for my once loved youth"
Black Dresses, The Spill Canvas
Lately, I've found myself becoming more and more introverted, Not in a self-absorbed sense, only caring about the affairs of myself, as opposed to the world, and the people close to me, but in a sense that i don't have many people close to me. Since i moved out to school, i've been met with a plethora of new friend possibilities, people that normally, I'd love to get involved with, become friends with, and make long-lasting friendships with. But, i've found myself seeking more personal friendships as of late. i'm not in a stage of my life and my growing up that i need 'friends.' i'm not looking for people to just be aquaintances with, people who i see on a regular basis, attend social events with and 'hang out' with. I've been seeking people to connect with on a more emotional level, not as romantic intrest only, but people that can really help me to grow, and people who i can really involve my mind with. Sadly, i'm quite picky when it comes to these people. Notice though the word choice, Sadly, not regretably. i do not regret the fact that i dont' make many close friends. in fact, i hold a respect for myself in my ability to assess and decide on a person in the early stages of aquaintanceship.
I think that this is a positive development, something to be regarded as a post-modern 'coming of age' even. It's my way of continuing the character development in my biography. it's a way for my character to stop so much of the external affairs, so many of the preoccupations that break down the subconscious thoughts swirling about within. The pro's of such an act, a breaking down and compartmentalizing of social connections, is obvious and certain. it makes daily life almost more civilized, and controlled. you worry about yourself, and about what effects you on a momentary basis, as oppose to worrying how your actions change the days of those near-friends. It helps to build a deep emotional understanding of your own mind, and helps to bring people in to understand you also, and help to build your mental functionality. Of course the advantage of having a small group of people your close with also means you have someone specifically qualified to talk to about most issues you may encounter (that need an outside consultant).
The cons are less well defined. you may find yourself feeling lonely, while finding real connections, and it may take quite some time to build a group you truly find worthy of trust. Also, you may (quite infrequently) find yourself in an unpredictable predicament, one that you may not have someone qualified in your circles to help you fix. Like a businessman with all of his contacts in a Rolodex, when the day comes that he needs a plumber, what happens if he doesn't have one within his numbers? does he find another one? one that he has no previous knowledge of a track-record, or of his abilities? There is a very real chance that someone who has a small group of close friends will encounter a time when he needs a plumber.
Many middle aged people have no close friends, no Rolodex of plumbers, carpenters, welders, heck, anything really.. Whether they just never made any really close friends early in life, insisting on being friends with everyone at once, or they just grew up anti-social, it doesn't matter. So, many of these people, they join social clubs. Be it a church group, a extra-religious support group, a sporting club (golf clubs, softball leagues, etc.) they all have one thing in common, they directly promote making new friends. These people, 35-55 year olds, going to new social events like the first day of kindergarten. unfamiliar with policies and the habits of others, not really knowing much of anything they're coming into. it's an interesting social phenom.(It's indirectly a pro of the tight-knit small circle development in the years of a twentysomething.) I think that this oddly usual event is something that leads to the forceful nature of the middle class American dream. So, in a very indirect nature, the small group theory would be breeding a more independent, self motivated middle class of people.
Why am i thinking about this? Looking so intently at the topic of introversion, and emotional self-dependence? Because as a photographer, i regularly find myself over-categorizing my life, and compartmentalizing my time. and for me, it works, well. it's relaxing, it's calming, and a good thing to keep me on track between school and work and growing up in generation X in the so called 'Best years of my life.' Every night, i look over the next couple of days in my phones calendar, and i make adjustments to time alotments of certain activies and events i've scheduled myself for. as i perfect my digital dayplanner, it calms me down, and settles my mind with the knowledge of what is to come. But, i look at this as a step in my maturity. It's the precursur to paying bills and suffering through the hecticness of children and living in an unpredicable world. College and work, along with my age group and usual life, both Chaos and order, timely and scheduled together in the convient apparatus of a cell phone.
Is maturity rationizing ones life, bringing a balance and understanding of the chaos and order within the world? Thats a topic to be debated by many, and to be battled personally.
(The song from, although quite strongly worded, in my interpretation is pointing at the willful but saddening act of growing up. it's using the metaphor of suicide, the destruction and total control over ones life, to describe the accepted giving up of ones childhood, and childish ways.)
With our knuckles interlocked
Black dresses flood the cemetery
In this cliche tragedy
Just do as you're instructed and....
Take this razor and cut your palms
I'll do the same until a river of crimson begins to flow
Now drip your ruby red over the casket
A funeral for my once loved youth"
Black Dresses, The Spill Canvas
Lately, I've found myself becoming more and more introverted, Not in a self-absorbed sense, only caring about the affairs of myself, as opposed to the world, and the people close to me, but in a sense that i don't have many people close to me. Since i moved out to school, i've been met with a plethora of new friend possibilities, people that normally, I'd love to get involved with, become friends with, and make long-lasting friendships with. But, i've found myself seeking more personal friendships as of late. i'm not in a stage of my life and my growing up that i need 'friends.' i'm not looking for people to just be aquaintances with, people who i see on a regular basis, attend social events with and 'hang out' with. I've been seeking people to connect with on a more emotional level, not as romantic intrest only, but people that can really help me to grow, and people who i can really involve my mind with. Sadly, i'm quite picky when it comes to these people. Notice though the word choice, Sadly, not regretably. i do not regret the fact that i dont' make many close friends. in fact, i hold a respect for myself in my ability to assess and decide on a person in the early stages of aquaintanceship.
I think that this is a positive development, something to be regarded as a post-modern 'coming of age' even. It's my way of continuing the character development in my biography. it's a way for my character to stop so much of the external affairs, so many of the preoccupations that break down the subconscious thoughts swirling about within. The pro's of such an act, a breaking down and compartmentalizing of social connections, is obvious and certain. it makes daily life almost more civilized, and controlled. you worry about yourself, and about what effects you on a momentary basis, as oppose to worrying how your actions change the days of those near-friends. It helps to build a deep emotional understanding of your own mind, and helps to bring people in to understand you also, and help to build your mental functionality. Of course the advantage of having a small group of people your close with also means you have someone specifically qualified to talk to about most issues you may encounter (that need an outside consultant).
The cons are less well defined. you may find yourself feeling lonely, while finding real connections, and it may take quite some time to build a group you truly find worthy of trust. Also, you may (quite infrequently) find yourself in an unpredictable predicament, one that you may not have someone qualified in your circles to help you fix. Like a businessman with all of his contacts in a Rolodex, when the day comes that he needs a plumber, what happens if he doesn't have one within his numbers? does he find another one? one that he has no previous knowledge of a track-record, or of his abilities? There is a very real chance that someone who has a small group of close friends will encounter a time when he needs a plumber.
Many middle aged people have no close friends, no Rolodex of plumbers, carpenters, welders, heck, anything really.. Whether they just never made any really close friends early in life, insisting on being friends with everyone at once, or they just grew up anti-social, it doesn't matter. So, many of these people, they join social clubs. Be it a church group, a extra-religious support group, a sporting club (golf clubs, softball leagues, etc.) they all have one thing in common, they directly promote making new friends. These people, 35-55 year olds, going to new social events like the first day of kindergarten. unfamiliar with policies and the habits of others, not really knowing much of anything they're coming into. it's an interesting social phenom.(It's indirectly a pro of the tight-knit small circle development in the years of a twentysomething.) I think that this oddly usual event is something that leads to the forceful nature of the middle class American dream. So, in a very indirect nature, the small group theory would be breeding a more independent, self motivated middle class of people.
Why am i thinking about this? Looking so intently at the topic of introversion, and emotional self-dependence? Because as a photographer, i regularly find myself over-categorizing my life, and compartmentalizing my time. and for me, it works, well. it's relaxing, it's calming, and a good thing to keep me on track between school and work and growing up in generation X in the so called 'Best years of my life.' Every night, i look over the next couple of days in my phones calendar, and i make adjustments to time alotments of certain activies and events i've scheduled myself for. as i perfect my digital dayplanner, it calms me down, and settles my mind with the knowledge of what is to come. But, i look at this as a step in my maturity. It's the precursur to paying bills and suffering through the hecticness of children and living in an unpredicable world. College and work, along with my age group and usual life, both Chaos and order, timely and scheduled together in the convient apparatus of a cell phone.
Is maturity rationizing ones life, bringing a balance and understanding of the chaos and order within the world? Thats a topic to be debated by many, and to be battled personally.
(The song from, although quite strongly worded, in my interpretation is pointing at the willful but saddening act of growing up. it's using the metaphor of suicide, the destruction and total control over ones life, to describe the accepted giving up of ones childhood, and childish ways.)
Monday, October 13, 2008
I'm not the only one seeing life through a lens!
http://www.notifbutwhen.com/
Brian Ulrich spoke at my school today, gave a brief presentation of his work (and a few sneak peeks of unreleased stuff for his book) and i was thoroughly impressed with him. I'll admit, before hearing him speak, and just seeing his imagery, i wasn't a fan. but, after hearing him discuss on a very down-to-earth, open forum honesty level, i realized the point he was trying to get at.
"At first i used photography as a way to arrange my life, i took pictures of friends, relatives, and all of it was a big ugly biography"
He was getting at how the bulk of his early work was pictures of anything he reacted with, and how those nouns effected him. how each and every thing in his life had changed him. I didn't believe i was alone in my thought and assessment of things, this image of the world and my own surroundings through the objective and specific view of a lens, but i certainly didn't expect to meet someone else with similar thinking so quickly, and in such an ironic fashion as a speaker at a school conference, one i didn't particularly want to go to, being lead by a photographer i wasn't impressed with.
In hearing him talk, and seeing his work through new eyes, i was able to assess my own views, and learn from someone in a similar position, with a bit more experience and several years ahead of me i the game. it was refreshing, and almost calming, to hear words that i would very well speak, coming out of the mouth of someone i don't even know. it's like "thank god he can do this, because i don't know if i could have put that any better, and it's 8am. I'm quite tired." One of the central topics he discussed, and the loose topic of his entire series "Copia" was Americana in consumerism, and Post 9-11 fear mongering. a reoccurring theme in every single piece of the "retail' chapter of the 4 part series contained a sublte (or in some cases, overwhelming) presence of red white and blue marketing. He made a small note of this in his talk, but was very insitant in letting everyone taking their own meanings from his work. he would give a basic explination of the setting, how he did it, his equiptment (he was giving the forum discssion to a group of photo-majors) and other general notes on the subject. Every piece truly carries sway and meaning in the sets, most having very strongly pointed jabbs into the american marketplace, and reatails use of subtle americana to lure buyers.
The motovation for most of this series ('Copia') is Post 9/11 fear mongering in everything from media to advritisments to governmental regulations and policies. In several of these pieces, he almost directly attacks the system, but in most, he subtly nudges at the idea, and lets each viewer figure it out. the personal connection we feel when truely working out and understanding an image helps us believe in the issue being addressed. In one piece, a more direct poke at silly policy and the lunacy in some growing regulations, It depicts a sign on the window of a gas station. the shot is taken from the inside, and it's important to note that this is the first and last image of the series to show any outdoors, even through a window... The sign reads in large intimidating letters:
Brian Ulrich spoke at my school today, gave a brief presentation of his work (and a few sneak peeks of unreleased stuff for his book) and i was thoroughly impressed with him. I'll admit, before hearing him speak, and just seeing his imagery, i wasn't a fan. but, after hearing him discuss on a very down-to-earth, open forum honesty level, i realized the point he was trying to get at.
"At first i used photography as a way to arrange my life, i took pictures of friends, relatives, and all of it was a big ugly biography"
He was getting at how the bulk of his early work was pictures of anything he reacted with, and how those nouns effected him. how each and every thing in his life had changed him. I didn't believe i was alone in my thought and assessment of things, this image of the world and my own surroundings through the objective and specific view of a lens, but i certainly didn't expect to meet someone else with similar thinking so quickly, and in such an ironic fashion as a speaker at a school conference, one i didn't particularly want to go to, being lead by a photographer i wasn't impressed with.
In hearing him talk, and seeing his work through new eyes, i was able to assess my own views, and learn from someone in a similar position, with a bit more experience and several years ahead of me i the game. it was refreshing, and almost calming, to hear words that i would very well speak, coming out of the mouth of someone i don't even know. it's like "thank god he can do this, because i don't know if i could have put that any better, and it's 8am. I'm quite tired." One of the central topics he discussed, and the loose topic of his entire series "Copia" was Americana in consumerism, and Post 9-11 fear mongering. a reoccurring theme in every single piece of the "retail' chapter of the 4 part series contained a sublte (or in some cases, overwhelming) presence of red white and blue marketing. He made a small note of this in his talk, but was very insitant in letting everyone taking their own meanings from his work. he would give a basic explination of the setting, how he did it, his equiptment (he was giving the forum discssion to a group of photo-majors) and other general notes on the subject. Every piece truly carries sway and meaning in the sets, most having very strongly pointed jabbs into the american marketplace, and reatails use of subtle americana to lure buyers.
The motovation for most of this series ('Copia') is Post 9/11 fear mongering in everything from media to advritisments to governmental regulations and policies. In several of these pieces, he almost directly attacks the system, but in most, he subtly nudges at the idea, and lets each viewer figure it out. the personal connection we feel when truely working out and understanding an image helps us believe in the issue being addressed. In one piece, a more direct poke at silly policy and the lunacy in some growing regulations, It depicts a sign on the window of a gas station. the shot is taken from the inside, and it's important to note that this is the first and last image of the series to show any outdoors, even through a window... The sign reads in large intimidating letters:
HOMELAND SECURITY
THREAT LEVEL TODAY
________________
(please see cashier for details)
THREAT LEVEL TODAY
________________
(please see cashier for details)
in the section normally used for showing the 'threat level' it's just a clear window, meant for something to be written in, but currently blank and just showing the sky on the other side. He proceded to tell us a the brief story. he said he went to the cashier, stupified and mildly annoyed, and asked 'so, whats the threat level?' and the cashier, dumbfounded, looks at him and cocks her head. he insists and points at the sign, mumbling '....it says,.. it says to ask the cashier about the threat level.' the woman just puts her head in her hand, sputting almost silently 'awww.. shit.' and after looking into a book, buried under the desk, she says 'the threat level today is Hightend Suspicion.' 'Oh, well, what does that mean?' he polietely inquired; and soon, a small disscusion was created, as the deathly serious woman made a point to stick to her guns, saying that obviously, something was up, and that everyone should be super suspicious of just about everyone.
The photograher, the speaker, spoke quite honestly and plainly to us. he just turned around and said 'at that moment, i thought i had just met the stupidest woman in the good ol' USA.'
Another piece, earlier in the set, shows a small booth against the wall inside an area of the "Mall of America." The piece is closely cropped around the booth, showing only a peek on either side. to the left, a matress booth, to the right, an ATM machine. the booth's signage up top shows 'UNIVERSAL CASKET' (in the characteristic red/white/blue lettering...) and shows little cutouts of caskets, previews of death boxes that could be your for a very good price! two pictures are within the booth, one, in the top left, shows a dad and his son, pointing out onto a beachfront into the abyss. the text underneath says 'AFFORDABLE!' (um? how does that relate to the image?! at all!?) and the image on the right shows an elderly couple laughing, and the lettering says 'UN-EMOTIONAL' (wow. cause laughing in the image must not be an emotion.. and thats the kind of funeral rights i want performed! the kind where no one gets emotional, and just forgets about you!). along with the horribale addvritisement, a terribale, supposed to be comforting, urn with a bush comming out of it is the centerpiece of the booth...
so, we have beauty rest, and eternal rest, all avalibale for the low low price of 999.99$! and look at that, an ATM handy! oh boy! i thought i'd have to go to the bank to buy this investment! but who needs that time to think! BUYBUYBUY! :D
Summary: after really hearing him explain his work, and really looking into his work with the themes discussed in mind, i understand why he's got pieces traveling the globe, held in some of the most famous modern art galleries, and published in the NY times. Please, take the 1/2 hour out of your day to explore another humans view of the american marketplace, the vast 'Copia' of goods and money we possess, and the american consumerism spirit that guides the very world we live in. It's quite different, but a very educational and eye opening look through the lens of the lives of millions, even if focused and cropped more detailed then we can imagine.
The photograher, the speaker, spoke quite honestly and plainly to us. he just turned around and said 'at that moment, i thought i had just met the stupidest woman in the good ol' USA.'
Another piece, earlier in the set, shows a small booth against the wall inside an area of the "Mall of America." The piece is closely cropped around the booth, showing only a peek on either side. to the left, a matress booth, to the right, an ATM machine. the booth's signage up top shows 'UNIVERSAL CASKET' (in the characteristic red/white/blue lettering...) and shows little cutouts of caskets, previews of death boxes that could be your for a very good price! two pictures are within the booth, one, in the top left, shows a dad and his son, pointing out onto a beachfront into the abyss. the text underneath says 'AFFORDABLE!' (um? how does that relate to the image?! at all!?) and the image on the right shows an elderly couple laughing, and the lettering says 'UN-EMOTIONAL' (wow. cause laughing in the image must not be an emotion.. and thats the kind of funeral rights i want performed! the kind where no one gets emotional, and just forgets about you!). along with the horribale addvritisement, a terribale, supposed to be comforting, urn with a bush comming out of it is the centerpiece of the booth...
so, we have beauty rest, and eternal rest, all avalibale for the low low price of 999.99$! and look at that, an ATM handy! oh boy! i thought i'd have to go to the bank to buy this investment! but who needs that time to think! BUYBUYBUY! :D
Summary: after really hearing him explain his work, and really looking into his work with the themes discussed in mind, i understand why he's got pieces traveling the globe, held in some of the most famous modern art galleries, and published in the NY times. Please, take the 1/2 hour out of your day to explore another humans view of the american marketplace, the vast 'Copia' of goods and money we possess, and the american consumerism spirit that guides the very world we live in. It's quite different, but a very educational and eye opening look through the lens of the lives of millions, even if focused and cropped more detailed then we can imagine.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
What is "life through a lense all about?"
This was a rant I muttered out about two weeks previous to the date of this entry, regarding my life, and that exact moment. it's a good example of me trying to understand things and put life in order, through a text-ual means.
"
Define Life as a Photographer
Setting- Sitting in a 70’s degas loving flowery chair, low set arms, mid set back, and a Squishy seat to level it all out. Yellow, mostly, but in the dark tungsten light of the single swirling fan, it’s more of a olive-yellow mixed with patches of stained white. The colors reflect the evening, it’s 9:10pm specifically, but with a schedule similar to my own, it’s early evening. A subtle orange hue hums in from the streetlights, but only in the quiet dark corners of the room. Those corners acting solely to reflect the ambient noise of the outskirting city, but also to throw back the bass of the mellow but cheery music in the background. The Shins, Sea legs,
-Girl, if you're a seascape-
-I'm a listing boat, for the thing carries every hope-
-I invest in a single life-
-The choice is yours to be loved-
-Come away from it empty of... but us-
thrashed roughly together in a subtle evening’s ‘digital mixtape’ with The New Pornographers, Go Places,
-And a heart will always stay one day too long-
-Always hoping for the hot flashes to come-
-For the glue to dry on our new creation-
-Come with me, go places.-
The heat is not really noticeable, that first bit of cool fall air is starting to arrive, uninvited, from the north, and breaking into the room through the open windows. Also enjoying the last remnants of the pleasant weather, my least known roommate, lets call her Jane, is sitting quietly just far enough away to be secluded, but close enough to enjoy the music while a paper is being written, or some manner of schoolwork is removed from the to-do list.
Mood- Hopeful, in fact. It’s an interesting mood to be in, because it comes with so many preoccupations, while it still leaves so much room for development. It gives you the chance to really desire and work at a particular subject, while being generally cheerful about all other tasks at the same time. While it has it’s perks, being hopeful is also quite a downfall of sorts, in fact, it almost always means you will soon be let down. Simply because in a hopeful mood, an individual, in this case myself, will not only retain hope for his specific goal, (today, my hopefulness is directed towards a desire for specific other emotions, quite the paradox to be honest) but for any other spontaneous needs to be fulfilled. So, not only am I hoping for a particular need to be filled, but I’d also like a popsicle to magically make it’s way over from the fridge, a mind numbing, leg aching, obviously painful 23 feet 4 inches away, straight into my hand, roughly arms length from my long awaiting mouth. But, the more I think about that popsicle, the more it reminds me of the cooling night air, getting noticeably colder as I sit here, in this new place, with these new people.
Head- a bit of everywhere. From the ill-gotten cravings of a sweet icy delight, to the desired warmth of someone considerably closer then the usual friend, my mind is alight with new and exciting ideas. Being new to the town, it leaves endless possibilities. Chances to be whoever I want to be, to vanquish a past with to many people, to rid myself of memories long since pleasant, and to grow in new, unforeseen ways. The longer I spend here, the more I think of this as an opportunity to fix some of the characteristics I’m not particularly fond of, that I still find within myself. I’m looking at this more and more as a chance to, pardon the cliché, find myself. Find out who, after the 18 years of life, and the many people I’ve been, and the many more I’ve seen, exactly which person I am. The assumption is so far that I’ll end up as an interesting 3rd grade quality collage of people, some pieces considerably larger taken from a persona, and some very small parts pasted right over top. After the years I’ve spent on this planet, I’ll be able to sum up most of ‘who I am’ into a long series of clips of my life. These clips, romanticized and dramaticized to a point where they resemble the original clips only in setting, will help me to define myself as an individual.
I feel that after I’m done with this long process of clipping the film of my life, I’ll end up with a- Beautiful an interesting strip of film. With this film, this 35mm strip of life, I’ll be able to make everyday choices to large thought-investments with the greatest of ease. My life, my personality, I am determined to summarize and enhance. To remove the bad, and zoom in on the good, a photojournalist will choose what moments capture in his career to better define the world to their audience. I’ll examine myself as a world, taking out the individual defining moments to give meaning and purpose to myself.
"
Define Life as a Photographer
Setting- Sitting in a 70’s degas loving flowery chair, low set arms, mid set back, and a Squishy seat to level it all out. Yellow, mostly, but in the dark tungsten light of the single swirling fan, it’s more of a olive-yellow mixed with patches of stained white. The colors reflect the evening, it’s 9:10pm specifically, but with a schedule similar to my own, it’s early evening. A subtle orange hue hums in from the streetlights, but only in the quiet dark corners of the room. Those corners acting solely to reflect the ambient noise of the outskirting city, but also to throw back the bass of the mellow but cheery music in the background. The Shins, Sea legs,
-Girl, if you're a seascape-
-I'm a listing boat, for the thing carries every hope-
-I invest in a single life-
-The choice is yours to be loved-
-Come away from it empty of... but us-
thrashed roughly together in a subtle evening’s ‘digital mixtape’ with The New Pornographers, Go Places,
-And a heart will always stay one day too long-
-Always hoping for the hot flashes to come-
-For the glue to dry on our new creation-
-Come with me, go places.-
The heat is not really noticeable, that first bit of cool fall air is starting to arrive, uninvited, from the north, and breaking into the room through the open windows. Also enjoying the last remnants of the pleasant weather, my least known roommate, lets call her Jane, is sitting quietly just far enough away to be secluded, but close enough to enjoy the music while a paper is being written, or some manner of schoolwork is removed from the to-do list.
Mood- Hopeful, in fact. It’s an interesting mood to be in, because it comes with so many preoccupations, while it still leaves so much room for development. It gives you the chance to really desire and work at a particular subject, while being generally cheerful about all other tasks at the same time. While it has it’s perks, being hopeful is also quite a downfall of sorts, in fact, it almost always means you will soon be let down. Simply because in a hopeful mood, an individual, in this case myself, will not only retain hope for his specific goal, (today, my hopefulness is directed towards a desire for specific other emotions, quite the paradox to be honest) but for any other spontaneous needs to be fulfilled. So, not only am I hoping for a particular need to be filled, but I’d also like a popsicle to magically make it’s way over from the fridge, a mind numbing, leg aching, obviously painful 23 feet 4 inches away, straight into my hand, roughly arms length from my long awaiting mouth. But, the more I think about that popsicle, the more it reminds me of the cooling night air, getting noticeably colder as I sit here, in this new place, with these new people.
Head- a bit of everywhere. From the ill-gotten cravings of a sweet icy delight, to the desired warmth of someone considerably closer then the usual friend, my mind is alight with new and exciting ideas. Being new to the town, it leaves endless possibilities. Chances to be whoever I want to be, to vanquish a past with to many people, to rid myself of memories long since pleasant, and to grow in new, unforeseen ways. The longer I spend here, the more I think of this as an opportunity to fix some of the characteristics I’m not particularly fond of, that I still find within myself. I’m looking at this more and more as a chance to, pardon the cliché, find myself. Find out who, after the 18 years of life, and the many people I’ve been, and the many more I’ve seen, exactly which person I am. The assumption is so far that I’ll end up as an interesting 3rd grade quality collage of people, some pieces considerably larger taken from a persona, and some very small parts pasted right over top. After the years I’ve spent on this planet, I’ll be able to sum up most of ‘who I am’ into a long series of clips of my life. These clips, romanticized and dramaticized to a point where they resemble the original clips only in setting, will help me to define myself as an individual.
I feel that after I’m done with this long process of clipping the film of my life, I’ll end up with a- Beautiful an interesting strip of film. With this film, this 35mm strip of life, I’ll be able to make everyday choices to large thought-investments with the greatest of ease. My life, my personality, I am determined to summarize and enhance. To remove the bad, and zoom in on the good, a photojournalist will choose what moments capture in his career to better define the world to their audience. I’ll examine myself as a world, taking out the individual defining moments to give meaning and purpose to myself.
How do you start a Blog? you summerize yourself and your purpose.
-Hi. My name is Kyle. I'm really bad about using proper grammar, and using punctuation in the correct manner (If this offends, you, please, do not continue any further, as it will simply annoy you). Theirs hardly any 'editing' here, it's more or less the thoughts flowing messily from the back of my head, taking a pit stop at my eyes, and spewing out through my fingertips. It makes my keyboard quite messy in fact.
-I'm a male, my age is irrelevant. My location; Grand rapids, living in a student-populated apartment with a few others. When, this blog is being created on the Ninth of October, 2008. Why; Well, that's the true question indeed. for the most part, I'm creating this as a clean way to organize my thoughts, so I'll try to keep it quiet for now, but soon enough it'll be viewable through my facebook page.
If your new to my head, feel free to wander about, reading misc posts and excerpts, or not. You can read every entry from now until the future, but unless your already in here, you won't understand to much of it.
-I'm a male, my age is irrelevant. My location; Grand rapids, living in a student-populated apartment with a few others. When, this blog is being created on the Ninth of October, 2008. Why; Well, that's the true question indeed. for the most part, I'm creating this as a clean way to organize my thoughts, so I'll try to keep it quiet for now, but soon enough it'll be viewable through my facebook page.
If your new to my head, feel free to wander about, reading misc posts and excerpts, or not. You can read every entry from now until the future, but unless your already in here, you won't understand to much of it.
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